|
Here is the answer key, dissected sentence
by sentence. Offering a superior level of knowledgeable, professional
real estate services to superior clients in the Mountain View area.
#1
— Sentence fragment. This would work fine as a subhead, but it is not a full
sentence and should not kick off the homepage copy. Better: "Mountain View
provides a superior level…."
#2 — Word redundancy: "superior
level" and "superior clients." Avoid using the same word twice
in a sentence or even a paragraph. Use a thesaurus to find alternate choices.
A
marriage of cutting edge technology and good old fashioned pavement
pounding.
#3 — Sentence fragment.
#4 — Cutting edge
needs to be hyphenated, i.e. "cutting-edge technology." Generally, when
you combine two words to create an adjective, you need to hyphenate them. Other
examples: state-of-the-art theater; well-designed car; cold-as-ice personality.
#5
— Hyphenate "old-fashioned pavement…."
Seller's
soon learn to sit back and relax as our professional staff goes to work to provide
the best visability platform for all our properties.
#6 —"Seller's"
here is plural, not possessive, and therefore does not take an apostrophe. Correct:
"Sellers soon learn…."
#7 —"Visability" is
spelled incorrectly. Should be "visibility."
Buyer's
enjoy our immediate response to their inquiries, whether by phone or email.
#8
—"Buyer's" is plural here, not possessive, and therefore does not
take an apostrophe. Correct: "Buyers soon learn…."
We
have all the updated listings ready to send out, and can even alert you
to listings as soon as they come on the market.
#9 — Comma usage
… delete the comma or rework: "We have all the current listings ready
to send out, and we can even alert you…." Use a comma to separate
two complete sentences that are joined together by a conjunction (and, or, but,
while, yet, because, etc.)
We truly hope that you become one
of our many friends that started as clients.
#10 — Avoid
overuse of "that." If the sentence works without it, strike it. Better:
"We hope you become one of our many friends that started as clients."
Need
help writing or editing your marketing materials?
Click
here to request a complimentary, one-hour consultation.
| 